By Tafi Mhaka

Is it South Africa? Thankfully, no. These are lean times in South Africa. The people living south of the Limpopo River are tightening their belts and adopting healthier lifestyles. Keep it up South Africa. Keep it all healthy this festive season Mzansi as we are pulling out of the top ten. So, who is the fattest of them all on a global scale of 1 to 10?

By some standards the most obscene nation in the world is the United States of America. Sorry: I meant to say obese, not obscene. Like I was about to say, Donald Trump will have so many scandalous things weighing on his devious mind if he wins the Presidential Election on Tuesday. Not least of all: how will he get Americans to stop having double cheeseburgers, French fries and big-ass sodas for supper when he tweets pictures of himself having KFC for lunch in his private jet?

Well: He can ask President Bill Clinton for a few weight loss tips. Like most patriotic Americans: President Clinton used to love ribs, cheeseburgers and anything remotely edible from McDonalds.

“The good news is, my husband loves to eat and enjoys it,” Hillary Clinton told The New York Times in 1992. “The bad news is, he loves to eat, even when things are not always right for him.” President Bill Clinton loved to eat so much he gained 18 pounds between 1997 and 1999. That was right about the time he stopped his affair with Monica Lewinsky, a bright White House intern, who had weight issues herself.

Did President Clinton miss his side chick so much he turned to food for comfort? Did he miss his supposedly non-sexual romantic escapades with her so much he gained weight? Why did he not turn to Hillary, his wife, for love and support? Perhaps there is a moral to this story: eat less food or eat good food in moderation at home and love the one you are supposed to be with and nobody else but her and you should be good right? So no extras on the side or going for seconds, please. There it is; you read it here first. But how did Miss Lewinsky’s blesser lose weight?

“I went on essentially a plant-based diet. I live on beans, legumes, vegetables, and fruits.” The 42nd President of the USA also drinks a protein shake with almond milk every morning, and avoids all meat, dairy, and eggs.

Americans ain’t eating right. Nor are they eating right across the border in Mexico. Mexico ranks as the second most obese nation in the world in some rankings. What is it about Mexico? Is it something to do with the drugs trade and violence? Wagner Moura, a Brazilian actor, had to gain 18 kilograms to play the role of Pablo Escobar in Narcos, the hit TV series on Netflix. Moura found it uncomfortably difficult to put on weight and assume the role of Pablo Escobar.

Moura had this to say about the preposterous amounts of food he had to eat and his mental preparation for Narcos.

“What happens is that when you’re living with a character like that, it’s not like characters are taking your body,” he said, “It’s just that you’re dealing with a certain kind of energy every day that’s not good at all.”

Like President Clinton, who claims to have dropped 15 kilograms through a vegan diet, Moura lost the weight he had put on for Narcos by going on a vegan diet.

“Doing the vegan diet wasn’t only about losing weight, but getting rid of that character, you know, getting rid of that energy that I was having to live with for two years.”

“I meant that’s — I think that’s something for young people to do, you know. I can’t do that anymore. My cholesterol was — it was horrible.”

“The first few weeks were delicious. I was eating ice-cream with my kids but then I had my cholesterol tests which were very high. So now in the next season (two) we’re using prosthetics and fake bellies.”

There is no need to fake it, South Africa: Stick to eating real food in moderation and keep moving and you will be good.

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